All posts by WomanWalkinInFaith

About WomanWalkinInFaith

I love good food, music, & company. I make one decision daily: Am I going to walk in my fears or am I going to LIVE in my Faith. Even if it is just a baby~step . I have had an unbelievable life, full of tragic events followed Always by miraculous events. But NEVER on my time clock. I am considered a Road Scholar by some but that is due to Grace; of both time and a curious mind. I know alot about ALOT. I READ and I even write. I only know each morning when I wake up, I remind myself IT IS ALL GRAVY, after that. It works best when I Allow (laughin' at self) the Creator to DO the Drivin' for MY Day. Just Sayin' %>}~ WWIF


The Rainbow Visit
© keeperofthebirds

August 11, 2001According to the calendar this is the day that ‘Dog Days End’. I never have been really sure exactly what that means, but this was the day that everything changed in my life. By outward appearances everything was the same, but all the dog days inside of this mind, heart and spirit ended. I knew even before I woke up that this day was going to change how I viewed life for the rest of my days. Even my dreams foretold of this change in consciousness, of the enlightenment to come. Still in the dream state, I was talking to my significant other, Charles. We were discussing what my findings were from my earlier dreams of the evening. I was telling him that I felt I had leaped over a barrier to a higher state of awareness through my dream travels. Abruptly I told him that I had to leave now that Tosha was going to call on the phone. It was at this point that I woke up.I opened my bedroom door to see my fourteen-year-old daughter, Monica already up. Without so much as a ‘Good Morning’ to her, I said; ‘Good, you are up. You can get that.’ Returning to my bedroom. I sat on my bed saying prayers of thanks and gratitude for the insights I was gifted with, through my dreams. In the background, I hear the phone ring and Monica answer it. Moments later, Monica came to my room baffled. To add to her confusion, I asked her what Tosha wanted. Monica is looking at the phone in my room knowing she would find the ringer off and wondering how I knew it that it was going to be Tosha on the phone. She gives me the message and sits on the bed beside me. In a loving way, she told me that she wished I would not do ‘this’ to her first thing in the morning. We hugged each other good morning. Simultaneously, we glanced towards the living room. What I had seen first was the beam of light coming from the ceiling appearing to be going to the floor. What Monica had seen was the rainbow across the ceiling. Monica said, “Mom, I think there is something in the living room for you!” 

If the living room had not been so dark with all the drapes and shades drawn and Mother Nature casting her own shade with the storm that was moving in, maybe we could have found something to explain the beam of light and the circle of rainbow. Instead, we sat in the circle, that was approximately ten foot in diameter, of a complete rainbow; in it’s center was a beam of white light that did in fact go from the ceiling to the floor. I had grabbed a cup of coffee on the way to the living room, knowing this was how I was going to spend morning meditation. I made a mental note to look at the > clock on the microwave to see the time was 11:03 a.m.  Monica and I each proceeded to get comfortable at the table in the living room. We sat in silence, experiencing the rainbow and the beam of light. Each enjoying our own thoughts and feelings but only a glance at the other’s face told of the utter amazement that was happening within.

One of the first realizations I had was I had only ever experienced half of a rainbow until now. This was a complete circle, with no beginning and no end, a whole rainbow. The feeling that accompanied this thought was for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to be whole inside, to be whole in body, mind and spirit. At total peace and oneness with everything that is, everything that was and everything that will be. This is when the tears began and the tears did not stop until after the entire experience was over.

I have resorted to tears whenever I have been in emotions that were of the extreme nature, good or bad. These tears made me realize that emotions were neither good nor bad and tears were neither good nor bad. Both were to just be experienced and both just ARE. These particular tears I was experiencing with the rainbow somehow were very understanding and very cleansing for me as well as enlightening. I noticed that the beam of light had rose off of the floor a few inches. Which made me look more closely at the rainbow. This is when I noticed the inside band of purple had grown in width.

I had the next realization. The colors of the rainbow were the same colors of the chakras. Not only were the colors the same, the order of the colors was the same. The rainbow was colored from the center out respectively; purple, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange, and red. There was a green hue filling the rest of living room that was similar what you would see during the final moments of a sunset. I realized it was all energy, all connected and all one. Somehow, every living thing was connected by an energy link of sorts. That throughout my life I somehow had been able to link into this at times for knowledge. At times the link was formed to help get information for other humans. Sometimes, the link gave me information foretelling of the weather or of some natural disaster such as an earthquake. Then there were times the link was formed just to give me clarity of my own emotions.

I noticed the beam of light was now higher off the floor and that the color purple had absorbed the color indigo with its newfound width. Monica was still sitting silently, but we seemed to gaze at each other at exactly the same moment. It was not the smile on her face I noticed the most but rather the smile that shown through her eyes and how her eyes seemed to be talking. I don’t think I ever remember feeling so intimate with another human being as I did in that instant. I was grateful that it was my daughter. As I watched the beam of light slowly ascend and the band of purple embrace each of the next few bands in this wonderful rainbow, my own emotions seemed to be on the roller coaster ride of their life. Yet I was not affected in the same manner that I had been affected throughout my life by these same emotions. I only felt touched by them and acknowledged what they were. With each color of the rainbow seemed a lesson of awareness and a set of emotions. The band of purple just grew and grew while the beam of light in the center continued its ascent to ceiling where it was taking on a new shape, a glowing orb.

This was when it became apparent to me that I was experiencing not only a mental and spiritual awareness but also an emotional myriad that somehow corresponded with each band in this rainbow. An understanding of the emotional extremes that become necessary to master in this life, I seemed to be aware of them fully and releasing them. I was gifted with understanding, my dreaming/intuition, ability to communicate, true sense of love, alignment with the Creator’s Will, tears of cleansing, and stillness of body, mind and spirit. Finding a balance inside of myself that until that instant, I never knew existed. I wondered to myself why I seemed to be experiencing these things in the opposite order of the chakras and why the rainbow was going from the inside out. The insight I was given was that I worked my way up the chakras and now the energy was ooping its way back down. That is how healing occurs. That I needed to remember this process to heal others, to pull the energy through the top of the head and loop the healed energy back down through the top of the head. And to do it with love.

During this process there seemed to be no time, no sense of time, and I remember thinking to myself at one point, ‘So this is what forever feels like’. I learned that only in the human body do we have such a small concept of time. Now is the only time I need. Too much of the present moment is wasted on the past or the future moments. We can slow the pace of the present moment down by total being aware of it and be an active participant in the moment. By the same token the opposite is true, time can pass us by simply by not doing those important things.

Making selections on how to best spend our time to bring us the most happiness, spiritual growth and exchange of this energy flow will help us to utilize our time effectively and energetically. Which will leave us with more time and energy everyday.

The greatest awareness came when there was only the glowing orb and a room filled with purple and my daughter and myself left in the room. The room itself felt like it was singing. I looked over to my youngest of four children, remembering when she was born; on that day I thought she was an angel. On this day, I knew that she was. I knew that truly all of my children are angels, that each and every on of us are angels who came here to have the human experience. The human experience is not easy for such light spirits in such heavy bodies but we came to learn about the energy flow called love. Of all the emotions and of all the energy flows it is the only one that can heal all the damage done by all the others.

It alone can repair any and all that have come before it, but only if we don’t shut off our hearts. It can heal whatever damage has been done to the body, the mind or even the spirit. It can absorb whatever monstrosities we have survived. Love has the power to heal everything, absolutely everything. Nurture it, plant it, sow it, tend it, Nurture Love……nothing else matters!

I took a deeper breath than I ever remember taking, almost to drink in one last breath of light and color, the orb and purple was gone seconds later. I don’t remember reaching for Monica’s hand or her reaching for mine, yet I found we were holding hands across the table and I wondered to myself how long we had been like that. I looked at the microwave to note the time 12:30 p.m. 

Somehow ‘forever’ felt very much longer than that! Never have I witnessed such an occurrence or had the privilege of having someone with me. For myself, it was a confirmation of my dream state, which I had, in fact, jumped to a higher state of awareness. Here I was getting to experience some piece of it with my daughter. It would not be until later that I would wonder what kind of impact it would have on her and her life. But I will get to witness that miracle as well.

In the week to ten days since this occurrence, both Monica and I have noticed changes in our self. Which, understandably, are difficult to discuss. Even on paper, words cannot do justice for what was experienced. I asked Monica to describe for me what it felt like to her. These were her words, ” Like taking a bath for the very first time in life; warm, cleansing and loving.” Such insight. Both of us have been accused of speaking too softly on a daily basis since then. Everyone has asked me what have I changed, have you cut your hair, lost weigh, etc. etc. Everyone can tell something is different, even over the phone. They just can’t put their finger on it……. 

If we keep our Heart centers open Love will come full Circle and it feels Purple…

By Veronica Keeperofthebirds

This is what Monica(14 YRS old) wrote about the experience a couple of days after 
it occurred:

The Rainbow 
I woke one morning to be dazed and confused 
To be mixed up in a miracle as well as amused 
My heart removed all its despair 
For this moment I was to share
Life went away 
As on past this day
And all we could do was gaze 
It’s light so perfect
My mind in a maze 
This perfect round circle
Connecting us all 
It seemed so big 
I felt so small 
I sat there in silence for a moment or to
Then said thanks for this moment with you 
I felt so close at heart 
My mind tore apart
This circle of light 
Brought to my life 
What no other power could
A feeling of perfection to remember 
And I knew I would 
It lasted so long an hour or two
During this time I felt so close to you 
The colors so real 
My heart was still 
I felt the world go away 
I still thank God for the moments in which we shared that day
Compared to this day all life was low 
Yet on the other hand life is a Rainbow



A prayer request ~~~~~~~~

Not a ‘Native American’ Issue Definitely a ‘Humanity’ Issue.   It’s good reminder of how valuable the sacred water is to ALL LIFE. ALL native tribes recognize water as THE most sacred of medicines. Tonight I am asking that ALL NATIONS OF #HUMANITY TO #PRAYER. Seek your heart. I have shown video recently of the Water Woman that delivers water to an AZ tribe. People in America Living on 8 gallons per day per household IN USA folks. No running water! Go view it on this page….(scroll down.) Then convince yourself that this MATTER OF 1168 MILES OF PIPELINE PASSING UNDER THE MISSOURI and MISSISSIPPI’s rivers Immediately affecting 10 MILLION USA CITIZEN OF ALL RACES and then affecting all the millions down stream from there is not your concern as well.                                                        I also have posted video of just what the fracking alone has already in one of these states…it will sober you up to the radioactivity still contaminating #Water. A sacred medicine for all life on Mother Earth, plants, animals and the stewards of Mother Earth…all of humanity in the USA. THE #DAPL WANTS TO GO THRU THE CENTER of OUR Country. No , only 1168 miles pushing a hundred billion gallons per day thru 4 or 6 states. This is not ‘A Native American problem’ make no mistake this is every Citizen of the USA problem. Then lastly, go and view what happened in Russia about 2 weeks ago, with a similar oil pipe under one of their rivers…… Again I say this is not a Native American problem….this is truely the future of the Nations concern. And if we as “We the People” allow this to happen ….according to Lakota prophesy verbally handed down thru generations….’It will be the end of this world as we know it’. And “We the People” will pay the ultimate price tag… future for our children Or their children Or their children…no future for AT Least 7 generations. I beg you keep this MATTER in your hearts and #Prayers. Seek your heart; how can you help and do whatever it is.  While this issue has many levels…it gets down to one basic idea… Is a corporation that will make untold billions more important than the most sacred of medicines, WATER and the price tag of potentially MILLION of people’s lives. Stand with my brothers and sisters for we are all humans being.  We are #ONERACE. Please #NODAPL.                                            Woman walkin in faith~~~~~

A pre- request for your signature in August.

The Wellbriety Movement and the Boarding School Coalition have joined forces to further the healing process among all the Native Tirbes and communities of the United States of America. There is a brief window in which we can request an Official Apology from President Obama… The month of August. The point is to further the Healing process among our native communities across the United States. I have personally committed to network to obtain at the very least 200 of the 100,000 signatures need on the White House web sight that will soon be put up.

Following the example of an Apology given the Canadian tribes by Prime Minister Stephan Harper on June 11, 2008 we are requesting President Obama give the American Tribes a similar apology. President Obama did sign legislature Acknowledging it in December 2009. But to bring true healing we need to follow the Four Directions teaching of Recognize, Acknowledge, Forgive and Change. We are midway of this process.

To Forgive the Native tribes and communities need an Apology. It is felt that since President Obama signed the paperwork in 2009 that he is the best option to get the Apology from. Our native tribes and communities need to finish this healing process so that We can Change. So I will be requesting everyday in the month of August,that you go to the White House web site to sign the petition.

Please support this much needed healing process by giving your signature. Respectfully requested,

Woman Walkin In Faith aka Keeper of the Birds







Faith… a #Mustardseed

I ask what kind of faith do you have….
The obligatory appear every Sunday to whatever church Faith? The kind of Faith that you only pray when the crap is hitting the fan Faith? The making a Christmas list kind of Faith? The kind where you say blessings of protection for everyone just before before you lay down to sleep kind of Faith? The I will help my neighbor today because I have extra to spare today kind of Faith? Ponder this for a few moments… What kind of faith do you have?

Or do you have the faith of Ruth and Naomi of the Bible?
Ruth 1:16-21
But Ruth replied,”Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. I will go wherever you go and live wherever you live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. 17-I will die where you die and will be buried there May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” 18- So when Naomi saw that Ruth had made up her mind to go with her, she stopped urging her. 19-So the two of them continued on their journey. When they came to Bethlehem, the entire town was stirred by their arrival. “Is it really Naomi?” the women asked. 20-“Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Instead call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. 21-I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why should you call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy?”

Do you have the kind of Faith to follow God IN ALL THAT YOU DO EVERY MOMENT OF EVERYDAY? Will you have it when the others leave your life…even your most loved ones? And will you have it when even they call you Crazy? Will you have it as they call you names like WANNABE or JESUS FREAK? Do you have the kind of Faith that even when it seems crazy to YOU …you still obey and follow thru with it? Would you try to walk on water if God asked you to? Take a moment and breath that in and ask yourself …Have I ever? Find an example in your life… it may take some pondering and it may not.

For me…I have a lifetime of examples of THAT kind of FAITH. I was Born Veronica…. but life brought me much tragedy …much sorrow. Enough of both, for several lifetimes indeed. And since 2002 I have and will tell you call me Keeper. The literal translation of my native name means Keeper of the Heavens, Keeper of the Stars, Keeper of the Birds…depending on the nation and dialect. So You can call me Keeper….

I have made a journey of utter blind Faith… almost every step of it. With “knowing” comes much responsibility and much blindness for it requires being obedient to God. Forsaking people, places, things, comforts and mostly forsaking yourself. BELIEVING that there is a purpose… Even when you can’t see it and even when you can’t believe it but you have the Faith.

I vividly remember January 27th 1981… so vividly that I can at times be sitting in the chapel of the Naval hospital of Ft. Belvoire in Virginia. On that day, sinner that I was/am/will be was told a message about the child I just given birth too.
As I prayed for this child to live, I heard a voice speak to me but as I looked around the chapel there was no other person in there. And God said, “Do not worry he will live and you will have him 21 years. Remember that I do nothing without purpose to serve the Good of the Many. But you will ONLY have him 21 years!” My son shed his robe and went home 2 weeks after his 21st birthday.

Sounded crazy to me too… so I told no one until he was 19 in 2000. Then, I only told one living soul, my nurse and dear friend. While she and her daughters were walking thru their own tragedy. I didn’t tell her for a few months; until one day she asked why was I still there helping her daily get thru her tragedy. I told her I was paying it forward. Of course she asked what I meant and for the first time it was more important to tell her than it was what she would believe about me after I actually said it. Let’s face it…she was my family nurse, not exactly someone I wanted to have put the label of crazy upon me. And by then I had already had many thru my life bestow that label upon my head…for ‘knowing’ things in advance.

Do you have that kind of Faith?

Do you have the kind of Faith of a whole town ridiculing you for changing your name and hiding out right next door? Because they couldn’t see what you could see? But ‘knowing’ and proving are not the same thing… it would take almost 4 more years to be able to prove what I ‘knew’ ….meanwhile; many laughing behind my back and even to my face. Do you have the Faith required to withstand that? Pause and search your heart and soul… do you?

Do you have the kind of Faith that you could walk away from your own now adult daughters, knowing that even though they knew you are gifted with ‘knowing’… that it was easier for them to also label you crazy than admit things they have witnessed themselves… fear of others’ ridicule rubbing off on them? And because they just wanted you to ‘drop it… just let it go, Mom and get on with your life! It won’t bring him back ya know.’ Could you walk away from them because God asked you to? Because it was said; You can’t let this go because it is I, God Almighty, asking you to make this journey. Could you leave it, everything and even your most precious behind?

Then go upon the mountain seeking a vision and in spite of what everyone else thought you should do… continue on this journey of bringing the truth to light when you came down off the mountain? Against all the odds? With ridicule almost every step of the way…. still speak the truth? Just because God asked you too? Do you have that kind of Faith?

The kind of Faith that you make a journey with no funds to speak of, across the entire United States that would take over 9 years to make? Meanwhile, being of service to others the entire way? Giving away your last bit of money, your most precious shawl… anything and everything asked of you? Do you have that kind of FAITH?

The kind of Faith that puts you in almost every imaginable set of shoes there is; so you will have the skills to help another? The kind that puts you in unimaginable un-comfort just to help one person along this insane journey you are making because God asked you to? Make no mistake this journey even seems crazy to you but if it takes the last breath you have you ARE going to make it….

Do you have THAT KIND OF FAITH….

God doesn’t want 5 minutes of your time, God doesn’t want you to listen for an hour on Saturday or Sunday….God wants all of you… every minute of everyday and in every way. God wants the most personal relationship you have to be with Him. God wants you to come JUST AS YOU ARE…. and all you need is a #Mustardseed of that Kind of Faith. God will bring the rest… if you just bring the Faith.
by Woman Walkin In Faith

Teachers Walk The Hardest Roads


Today is Wednesday, September 11, 2013.

Today this will be my Hope….

rainbow for me this week


This is the Story of how and when got my first #HopeOn ; known under another name back then, around Oct/Nov 1988. My 12 step Recovery sponsor was AT me. (Meaning she was fussing daily) about praying….. and I was too Rage~filled at the God that I thought I understood; or so I thought at the time; and this was a day like I had last week….and like last week; this God I refused to pray to due to my own anger at my lot as it seemed in life… I refused to pray…why bother? So I got up one morning with it pouring; like it can only pour on the coast of North Carolina……. buckets and buckets; then the cats and dogs come!

{Laughing out loud… this is my story I can laugh if I wanna!}

I had mid-terms or maybe it was finals and I was taking computer sciences at Carteret Community College. So to be honest; I woke up frantic to start with and still had four small kids to dress as a newly single mom. Then get them to school and daycare, before I got myself to College for this test. I was living in a house at the time I could not pay rent on (thank you Dana O., wherever you may be!) nor my electric bill. Like all the rest of my bills that had not been paid since I had not worked since April 1987, as a civilian mess manager for MCAS Cherry Point with a bit of rank for a woman in my late 20’s…another story another day…

Yet, somehow my electric was still on and someone else was loaning me the use of an old car that had been sitting in their driveway. But still, I woke up Angry at the Whole dang WORLD; if you want me to be really honest.

Dang it, it was pouring out!

I did not feel like even getting out of bed but by then I was so used to pushing myself till I dropped…it like many other things, it had just become habit. Kind of like my Anger!

So I get 4 small children in the car that is borrowed, leaving a house I am not and have not been able to pay rent for and drive two children to the lil elementary school Newport, NC and the two younger ones to daycare so that I can go take this exam.

Dang can it possibly pour ANY HARDER?!?!?

I drop off first two children then head into Morehead City, NC. About 1 mile from the daycare and about 2 miles from the college and…


*BAM* *THUMP and *THUMP and yes *THUMP again. Crap. I JUST GOT A FLAT TIRE!

NOW if you think I was not already pissed…..and it is POURIN’ N POURIN’ and I got a flat and now, no way that I can make it in time for my test!  To top my morning off, I now have to get out in this down pour and change this flat because I can’t call no one…heck I could even afford a phone back then and there was no lifeline for help with phone. Borderline pre~dating cell phones in the box even; in 1988/89.  You know, back when there was telephone booths still! I wasn’t working and the dad wasn’t paying child support either!

I was mad, I tell you, at the whole dang world….

And now I am soaked and of course, my luck being; MY Luck….

I could not even get this tire off and it is still pouring! That’s about when Cliff rode by and did a U turn to came back and took me and 2 kids to the daycare. Then proceeded to drive both of us off to the college since we both had exams that day.

Was I grateful someone stopped and did that? I am ashamed to tell you No, I wasn’t ….(Cliff, Wa’do for your patience back then)

I run thru the rain only thinking of myself, I left poor Cliff locking up his truck in the rain…I ran to the college elevators to get upstairs to my exam room. I ran down the hall…and that was back when I could still run, barely.

I reach for the doorknob and Double Dog Dang It the dang handle is Locked. So It is now 9:05am and I was just locked out of an exam that I needed to take to continue getting my FASFA aid to educate myself to try to better Our lives.

Now I am beyond angry, I am in high gear and teetering RAGE!

I have no clue how I am even going to get home from the college….let alone pick 4 kids from two different locations and still had a flat tire to deal with on someone else’s car loaned to me but could I find a mustard seed of gratitude or even pray….NOPE; this bull had dug her heals in!

It’s now 10 am and here comes Cliff to the student lounge with two cups of coffee and offering me a ride and help with all of those issues. Proceeded to tell me I would have to wait till he took one more exam but then he was free to help. I was still too busy wasting my energy being angry, I couldn’t even thank him for offering. But I did wait and Cliff drove me home after we could not get the tire off, he pulled the car into the AutoZone parking lot and went in and spoke to the manager for me while I sat in his truck…

Just being Angry and Dang it is still pouring and I am still in soaked clothes and now it is around noonish.

We head back towards where I lived in Newport.

I never did thank Cliff that day. I ran from his truck to my door…and now I am so mad that I am crying; which of course only makes me burn deeper with that anger that is now being directed inward at myself.

And dang it it is still POURIN’!

I slam the steel security door with just a peep hole in it. I lean back against that door after I had slammed it shut!!!!! Very loud and angrily I proceeded to yell at the God, I thought I understood and at that time still believed had damned me to this thing call Life and I called Hell. I won’t go into what I said exactly cuz I am fairly certain if you are still reading this…you get the drift. But the jist of it was, “God if you are there, then I Need a little Sunshine; Someplace in my life…Anyplace.” Oh yes, I was even being sarcastic…ask some of my cousins, I used to have a knife for a tongue.

Hark! What is that noise I hear while I am leaning on the door yelling at God? Why it is the mailman! Can you imagine what I must have been thinking? Well, I can tell you it was close to something like, “YA, thanks God; more bad news and more bills I can’t pay!” And all my 12 step sponsor will say is, ‘until I am willing to at least try and pray…this is how things in my life will stay!’ Now THAT was an even more unpleasant thought! But I figured; in that moment; “May as well go get the mail while I am still soaking WET and before my hot bath.” I opened the door.


What I found shocked and amazed me so much that to this very day it brings me to a place of humility that I STILL cry, today. {actually, I need to go take a cry break; out in my garage, so the rainbow above is from last humpday, (Septemeber 11, 2013) which I got to witness last Wednesday, outside my garage door}  be right back to finish this story…..




At opening the door…. (September 14, 2013) with my Cry On still occurring in real time I found this :}   













  I open the door….back that day in 1988, I thought to myself, “Well, let’s get the rest of the bad news over with. OH MY GOD; is this day ever gonna end? It is not even 1 pm yet! Dang!”

Wiping the tears from my eyes I slowly open my steel door….forget wiping tears! That is gonna be a no go now! Before my very eyes….there is a 3 to 4 foot wide pathway!


There is this small pathway from my front door to my mailbox across the street! You know; the door that I was just leaning on, on the other side of it; ranting at?  What I thought I believed about God and my relationship or non~relationship; to be more accurate. Ranting and stomping my feet like one of my small children would do, demanding sunshine someplace in my day; any place. To open that door and see (What I still will tell everyone; I know was, ‘Just for me’) that there was a Pathway of sunshine with NO rain from the door to the mailbox across the street. Ok; I am now paying attention; to what my 12 sponsor had said to me about the fact she really did not care how angry I was at God but I needed to pray in order to open those lines of communication again. That is, if I wanted Real Recovery in my life and to give my own children something different, I would have to be willing to DO something different, FIRST.


I balled, all the way from my door to my mailbox. Yet I still expected bad news and more bills which I could not pay unless I got a miracle. I had given up on those. I didn’t believe in them anymore…those were for other people, not me! I walked all the way back to the house; shut the door and for the first time in six to eight months; I opened my heavy drapes in my living room to look out upon the FLIPPIN’ Pouring rain!

Mainly, to see if that path really was just for me…..


I opened the drapes….I watch my pathway slowly disappear as it starts raining where I  had just walked. Where miraculously, it was dry and sunny just moments before. My pea brain just could not absorb all this. I was overwhelmed now and my mind is going a 1,000 miles an hour. Finally, I see my very first rainbow just past where I had so very recently walked in a path of sunshine THAT to this day I will swear Creator sent just for me. Oh yeah, I got a handful of mail but now I think I can at least open it and do my dread list (another story, another day).

Once my rainbow disappeared, I start opening my mail, when I noticed they are from a few states ago; from even, a few years back by looking at the envelopes. Except for a Publishers Clearing House envelope, junk mail for the round file; as it is lovingly called in the military world.

Now I am getting worried again…ok, breathe, and breathe, while trying to talk myself into opening these envelopes. What I found was all except for one envelope, was a check! All security deposit checks on an old utility bills being returned; finally. Not always easy to locate a military family that moves on demand. I am so shocked to see that collectively these returned deposits will pay my 8 month past due electric bill, and at least the water & sewer and trash too; while leaving me enough to have 20 bucks….

{back when 20 bucks filled up even gas guzzlers….laughing…told ya, my story…I can laugh if I wanna!}

To put in the gas tank when I would go back later that day to pick up my kids. I would have it to offer to Cliff, for all the gas he had used to help my ungrateful, angry butt out; that day. He was returning at 3 pm to pick me up, to go to pick up all the kids. He had said that maybe, we would see about the car at that time, if it had stopped raining by then. Now, I am in just total amazement and thinking maybe, JUST MAYBE there is something to this prayer thing. Maybe, I just didn’t fit; in the places I had looked. Just a thought.


Oh yes, so I bet you’re wondering how any of this ties into Publisher’s Clearing House and the Prize Patrol…the last piece of mail I had received that day was a Publisher’s Clearing House entry in the mailbox too. By this point of my day it is 1:30pm or so and I decide right then if I can find one stamp in this house….

I do not dare after receiving a pathway of sunshine, almost on demand. Then exactly how much money I needed plus 20 bucks to cover 8 months living expenses?!? To NOT at least be humble enough to try and do the right thing when Cliff gets back and offer it to him for his trouble. Not to mention his patience of listening to my rantings thru the day and trying to be the positive one in my day that day.

I am searching drawers all over… the loaned to me… house filled with ‘given to me’ furniture; thinking about what Cliff told me, “that I could change how I thought and how I feel about anything in my life” and thus change my perceptions.

Still searching but now in a different room and still thinking that maybe; I could try this prayer thing…

My friend and sponsor said I just had to pick something or someone I felt was a power Greater than myself; even if that was a doorknob or a tree. It did not matter to her, it only had to matter to me. I had spewed many times to her about my anger at the God I thought I understood; she told me I could fire that God and hire one I felt I could work with; one I found to be loving. One I felt would love me just as I was, warts and all! Rolling all these thoughts around my pea brain and searching… Bingo finally found one stamp.

I did my first mail in entry under the name I was living by then, Veronica McGuire to PCH.

Today, I can tell you it took me on a Search that brought me back to my Irish and Cherokee roots….I practice old native ways today, by choice; and have Creator, God of my own misunderstanding as only I say…because I don’t have to figure it out… my part is the footwork and that was the day that I started my on and off again relationship with #PCH  With Publisher’s Clearing House to get started you got to be willing to enter…

Now I want you to know….I have continued with many of the same struggles as then; only now my children are grown. Heck even some of my grandchildren have children. But I choose my perspective each morning when I wake up and I make one decision only:

Am I going to live and walk in my faith or live and walk in my fears…..What am i going to to do good today for someone else?

So far, what I can report is it truly is a miracle that I am able to be here to even write this story today. Feel blessed to share it with y’all, anyday.

There is MY story of when I got my 1st rainbow and my first #HopeOn . How it all ties into Prize Patrol because what I learned was how to live in the faith, each day that I wake up. This was my GiveBack to Publishers Clearing House and the Prize Patrol, and if they knock on my door…. I have a Vision.

Today, I have something money can’t buy and know how to ‘live with abandon’ do my part of the footwork and leave the result to the right dept….

Today, it is with the Creator, God of my own misunderstanding…

That way; the ends always come out so much sweeter…..somehow.

Can’t explain it and no longer even ask Why…

I do my part the footwork…so have I left anyone with a Hope On ? Today I go by my legal native name and that too is another story another day….just sayin’ Ah-ho Mitaukye Oyasin’

Difference Today is I want money… alot of it no less. I want to help people, to truly make a difference in their life. Today I want to start a non profit and a soup kitchen. A nonprofit so that I may help others already established in helping others…. like Wellbriety to train some facilitators so people can find a lasting recovery for drug and alcohol issues with trained facilitators… maybe a women’s shelter, which sadly often involves drugs or alcohol even if it doesn’t seem to be the immediate problem, the homeless and our veterans…. Which explains in itself why I want to open a soup kitchen.

I have a vision of a soup kitchen, where if you can leave a donation…  Great !…but if you can’t, no questions will be asked. If you bring the whole family for dinner awesome. Or if your a worker stopping by for lunch to cut down on groceries at home or to ensure your children have enough to eat. No problem and no funny looks. And in this soup kitchen… a wall of resources, dedicated to pamphlets and flyers of information on what help is available in the area and when. What churches and where they are. Where you can get the help you need. Maybe even short term employment listings. and a van that will take the wheelchair bound people of my community to Reno to doctor appointments… it is a serious issues here. We don’t have the doctors we need locally for the truly ill and we have no way to get them to where the doctors that can treat them are. Quite sad. Except helicopter, for medivac.

And let’s face it…when you feed others they are more apt to seek help right there… This is my vision as 2015 draws to an end. Having walked in many of those shoes already myself… I want to help others overcome these obstacles in life and put Unity back in my Community.

Now if Publisher’s Clearing House would come knock on my door…..

By Woman Walkin In Faith                                                                                            

































































Today, I find myself longing for my daughters…. I have left so much behind. Like a huge mirror that has been shattered into little shards, I have left tiny pieces of mirror of myself all across this country.

Truly I tell you… One must totally lose oneself in order to be found. A paradox indeed.

Recently, I watched the documentary The 13th Step. I find it interesting of all the hours of taping of me the documentarian choose to use the few minutes of my utter anger. Everyone else is depicted in a calm manner… Except me. Interesting indeed. Now more things make sense about that person’s motive. Harsh way to find out. One tiny shard…

I thought I have been grieving my son, grieving how his death totally tore my family apart, grieving that a decade later I still don’t have my daughters in my life. A few shards there.

But as I watched the movie Freedom Writers this afternoon I started crying and just couldn’t quit put my finger on why… I had a wonderful day by comparison to my walk the last decade, heck today has been my best day in a long long time. I got up with the Sun, I made home made cinnamon buns and chatted with a Veteran whom has become a dear, dear friend. And on my pain scale was at an acceptable and functionable level. So why the overwhelming sadness that I can’t put my finger on…quite?

4:44 pm I decide to take a hot bath. Grateful for such a little thing as being able to get in and out all by myself. But I feel the need to grieve…I am just not sure what it is that I am grieving exactly. As I soak in the tub, I hear my cell singing Good Morning, good morning; to me from the living room. I sit in the tub crying still unsure why and begin praying as I often do in the bath. Prayers of gratitude for a tub! Gratitude for my own place for the first time in just shy of a decade. Gratitude for furniture that has been gifted to me….

Again the alarm goes on with singing Good Morning….and I sit there and give prayers for my veteran friend who blessed me with a beautiful purple bathroom. Purple rugs, purple shower curtain, and of course purple towels. Because as she said, “Every woman deserves a pretty bathroom”! Yet somehow I haven’t even been able to use any of those pretty purple towels. Somehow I realized tonight….I didn’t feel worthy of such pretty towels. I had not touched them because I didn’t feel worthy of such prettiness in kinda the same way when I first got sober I couldn’t accept a compliment. But I am giving prayers of thanksgiving for these untouched towels. And for the third time I hear the Good Morning alarm sing. I grab the handicap bars of the tub and hoist my hiney up still crying….and for the first time I grabbed one of those pretty purple towels and wrap it around me then walk to the living room to shut the alarm off. Returning to the bathroom and tub it finally hits me… I m grieving myself …this walk I have made. All the things I left behind! Like tiny shards of mirror! Me….shattered like a mirror and I am just finally getting the broom and dustpan out to try and sweep all the shards up and make some sense of it ALL.

So now that I have been able to put my finger on it maybe I can finally write about it all. My son’s death, the changing of my name, the reasons I walked away from so much and so many that still are so very dear to me. How could I ….if I loved them and wanted to keep everyone safe and myself alive… How could I not?

Verily I say to you…every morning when the sun rises I do ask myself What good am I going to do Today? For surely I know that when I go out to say evening prayers with the Sunset…. It take a shard of me with it…. Will it be a useful memory, did my overwhelming pain somehow help another human being get thru one more day, did I do something, anything good in this day…. Even if it was only to empathize with another or to pray for another selflessly? Did I try to make it a better world somehow Today? Did I think of the generations I am merely borrowing Mother Earth from? Did I make choices with those generations in my heart first and not as an after thought? Was I a decent human being today?

If not…there was no purpose in those shards…. #JustSayin

So I think I will finish grieving Me tonight and maybe re-watch the documentary, The 13th Step, in the morning and get on with writing this unbelievable story of my journey.

Smoke n prayers unto you ~ Woman Walkin in Faith

Morning prayers ~ Super Blood Moon

I go outside to greet today….

It is still dark as I prepare to smudge and greet this day, mindful that this is the Super Blood Moon and the day of the eclipse. I light my smudge and honor the 7 directions as day breaks. A crow flies by crying with it’s caw…. Reminding me this is to be a day of Sacred Law.

It is Sunday. For many this means it is the day of church. For me…. Every day I wake up IS a day of walkin in faith. Honoring the Creator and Mother Earth with ALL H/Er inhabitants. Though I feel this is a new beginning, I know it is a new beginning on many levels. So while the smudge is still waiffing around me, I ask the Creator if I should fast and pray for the next 4 days.

The wrens and song birds come alive with song…. Also greeting the Sun’s rising. Daylight has just broke the horizon here. I hear the eagle’s distinctive cry. Almost as if to answer me the eagle calls out for the next several minutes. I sit prayerfully in awe and listen. I listen to the birds, to the eagle calling out and to what has been placed upon my heart this day.

It is then, that I see a neighbor with her dog come out. Reminding my to have loyalty to my fellow humans being. So I know this new phase of my life is about being of service. Not only to the Creator but towards my neighboring humans being. And the eagle cries out once more.

I remind my neighbor of the eclipse and blood moon and what time we will be able to view this event here. As I make a few decisions about which direction my life is moving into. I am always reminded to pray for others.

Today I was reminded, to freely share my understanding with others. That prayer and fasting brings answers. That my suffering is for the Good of the ALL. That the Elders have taught me well, I need to be mindful to be a good representative of a Daughter of the Creator in all that I do. This day and everyday.

All I have is THIS day. I send smoke n prayers up for my elders all across this nation. I pray for the future of the next 7 generations… That they be healthy, whole and connected not just to our Creator but also to Mother Earth. That in this day we, as humans being, will find ways to respect and uplift one another.

A’Ho! This is what it is to be a Woman Walkin In Faith …. #Today

Doing is the best teacher

Wado (thanks) for such #Inspiring words and reminders.

The daily meanderings of a teacher

Bird Droppings July 31, 2015
Doing is the best teacher

It has been an interesting week. I did my usual going into school and working in my room. I spent a good bit of the mornings taking advantage of weather and light and getting some rather interesting photographs. Later yesterday afternoon after almost fifteen hours of rain I went to start gardening, and it rained again of course. On a different thought, it has been intriguing to me how so many people view education as failing. I wonder as I sit here this morning how many saying such things could pass a high school biology class of today. I was joking yesterday as I helped a friend move into a new room at school how my 1968 college biology was nothing compared to our current text in high school. He mentioned something about how cells were not discovered yet in…

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