IN DAYS OF OLD DIALECTS…. SHE WOULD BE CALLED UNKTOMI, guardian of weaving, creating the designs of the webs, we call our life. It has been said that Spider wove the original web that brought humans the first pictures of the alphabet.
It is understood that as she wove the first primal alphabet; she had also woven ‘the Dream of a World INTO Being’. This was a physical sign of that calling it INTO fruition in this plane of existence. Her ‘medicine’ is powerful and filled with responsibilities. As she can also weave the webs of fates for those who get caught up in selfish or self-seeking ways… those she will patiently wait to devour! It is as if they have somehow been caught in a web of illusion in the physical world and never are able to see beyond, into other dimensions’ and even further beyond. What cannot be dreamed can’t not be brought ‘into being’. Spider is a Creative Force, but it is also a CHOICE to utilize this medicine….
Iktomea, Spider’s greatest message is to remind us that we are infinite beings who will continue to weave the patterns of life and living throughout time. Do not fail to see the expansiveness and be sure to look beyond just yourself if you desire to see the eternal plan. The Creators………
This is Iktomea, a writing spider…..the day is September 11th 2013. I was, personally, having an off the chart pain day. One of the things, I try to do is place my focus on something positive. For me, it really can be anything, even a poisonous spider. I had decided since I could ‘feel’ the weather coming in for the 3rd day in a row now; that I could take my 2 service dogs on a walk down the backside in my lil’ community.
On this particular day, I loaded my oxygen tank because of the surrounding smoke pilfering over and down into the valley; where my community lays in the lower levels. I have had COPD since childhood, so the smoke on top of the weather; with other health issues made me once again, mindful. Mindful, that at least for today, I had a Go Chair that had been donated for my use by my Local Care Chest in Reno. I could at least ride to walk my dogs. This was one huge relief mentally and emotionally for me on that day and I was in a very prayerful and emotional state of mind due to some concerns I was having for friends across this country. These are the tiny things I really do every day to help CHOOSE my own perspective. My intention is not about me or even my life.
Each story is only told to hopefully make you look at you and your own choices. I found I NEEDED TO LOOK at my own and realizing that even in life, it is only my version, of my walk…but what counts will be the TOTAL versions coming together. That we get to Choose. I am going to be painfully honest at times in a g-rated kinda way. But to me there is NO POINT if NO ONE BRINGS THE HOPE. So my intentions are just that…by sharing my own journey one day at a time as I am able with you. I have been so very blessed. But from the outside, I may look like I have been rode way too hard in life, but each disaster came with blessings…but FIRST…I had to be Willing. I pray that I can lead you on this journey of my own; in such a way it will somehow inspire and maybe even validate your own journey.
I found it has been thru being willing to make myself vulnerable in ways I never thought I could; that I found freedoms, I never knew existed.
On this particular day so very many things are running around in my pretty lil’ head that I want someone to just hit the pause button and let me off the world long enough to have a cup of coffee and walk my dogs…before the rain, as my body had already been screaming at me over for three days now. Holy cow, I need to step it up or I won’t get out the door. But I just can’t make myself hit the floor at mad dash speeds anymore…well not in many, many moons. I go in high grammy low gear if I am at full speed ahead and half way thru the day. It is 9/11 which alone makes me prayerful, but then several friends that I have known online and as personal support for other things throughout our lives are having difficulties. To me this means pray more, pray, only, for whatever the creator’s will is; on these matters. So finally, I get out of my garage door after I listen to a song on a station that is preset in my garage. My dogs are dang near beside themselves waiting (im)patiently on me (laughing today about it; 10/20/13, I can laugh if I want to, this is just my story 🙂
If you can imagine me sitting in an electric wheelchair that has almost the same temperament, as my mind and even sometimes my legs. For today, we will leave my hands and fingers outta this(another story, another day). Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. No one knows why, just is. Sometimes, it is just The full moon. I dunno! But what I do know is my two dogs are so happy to be going for a walk and that is just making me smile on the Inside. Even if it may not have been visible on my face. We are almost to one of their favorite spots, which is also where this year our Homeowners Association left some cut-thru openings for the school kids that take the bus. Not two more steps beyond this picture (above) is one such cut-thru. As I finish riding to walk my dogs I am also praying about whether or not I should now write or speak up about certain aspects of my own life. Honestly; wondering if it would help more folks to do so, at this time. I felt very tired and worn already for just being 50ish. I am praying in particular concerning healing of some friends and family members on this day as well as asking for whatever healing Mother Earth needs. Meanwhile, my pain is screaming so loud, I am literally on the verge of tears. I am again and again and again re-focusing myself thru this. At least trying to, but placing my own focus on what can I do to help someone else this day? I can’t change the pain…. Yet. But I do have what I call ‘spiritual tools’ that help me. Choosing to place my focus on someone else and reminding myself what a privilege it is to even wake up this day. I continue on, by reminding myself next, that it truly is ‘all gravy after that’, yes, even the crappy stuff. Especially when I know, mean KNOW; I get to CHOOSE MY PERSPECTIVE. NOT life, not others, me but only if I AM willing to suffer for my prayers to be heard. What I mean by that statement is: Suffer = what am I willing to do without; for the good of the all or at least the many?
As I get closer, I notice Iktomea and think to myself how my neighborhood children won’t be safe cutting thru in a couple of hour or so. I walk my dogs wide of this spider, for I am not certain if she is poisonous or not and my dogs are not only my babies but working dogs. In that instant, I knew I needed to come back to the house and get a container and my brother to come back with me to where I have spotted Iktomea the Spider.
Most folks tell me they never have seen a burning bush, usually I reply with something to the tune of,’ well you need to come hang out with me and I will teach you how to look.’ I walked around back in 1999 saying, “If you want a Miracle, first you must expect one, which means first you must be willing to believe they are even possible and what I know to be true is this: I EXPECT Miracles, therefore I GET miracles. Here is the key though: NEVER GIVE UP. Because the miracles all will come on the Creator’s time Clock not mine”. just my experience sayin’
I finish walking my dogs and get the dogs back to the house and barely get the wheelchair into the garage. Only now, there is no choice but to ask my best friend to walk with me. Something I am still getting used to is even having someone around that is dependable enough to depend on. Honestly though, I am a hard headed woman and can even own that,I am today. I still have issues asking for help from others for myself, mind you I have no issues asking, if it is for ‘anything that is or will be for the good of the all’. One of those lil’ ironies. To me though seeing the spider on a day I was so heavy with worries of others health and some facts that I had gone to great lengths (another story, another day) to keep hidden or unassociated with in order to keep my own children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren safe, not to mention others in my large extended enveloping family. Not just for the last decade but for the coming years ahead as well. So I am really praying about a book title I was ‘given’ many years ago…maybe even decades ago to be more honest about it. Though I knew the title, I still was not sure what exactly it was supposed to be about. I did not want to tell of these horrors of my life unless I could leave the person with HOPE.
Otherwise, really what is the point? Write a book that leaves a legacy of Hopelessness? Many times I have had to face mortality, mine, spouses, children, loved ones I considered family regardless of blood. I really do believe there is only one race that matters, the HUMAN race. We Choose to leave the laundry at the top of the hill and come together to pray for the good of the all…all over, all humans being. Choosing to embrace the diversity each individual brings. Knowing Our mutual Creator (by all names) gifted each one of us,with something I choose to call ‘a piece of the puzzle’. That spark inside that KNOWS the Truth as soon as it is heard; even if, at the time, it is not understood. So you put it in your pocket for later. NOW is the time to use the WEB to share those pieces in a profound way as our elders 7 generations ago have made sure to pass down to us. What we do with this WWW will determine the fate of MUCH and MANY.
All these ramblings, occurring in my head, while I have to coax my brother from his computer while he is still seeking employment and now I am all excited about finding the burning bush for me…the spider. More specific a WRITING Spider, one that really needed re-homed to a safer location. I am trying to light a fire under my brothers hiney and collect a plastic container while I try to, not quite so rapidly, explain to him. I can’t even do much more than sputter.(yup one of those off the chart days where speech may or not not work either, laughing) The more I am attempting to go slower verbally and faster physically, the worse both got and the more evident became that it just was not going to play out that way. Bless him, he walked with me back to where I first saw Iktomea the writing spider.
As we walk, I chew his ear off about my 5th grade teacher Mrs. Dobie. How she went from my jailer to my hero and why in that one year. (another story, another day) End result was that due to her actions at the end of that school year I was given an opportunity, to go to another kind of reading class, A-1 Reading test pilot along with eventually being able to do the SRA reading that was in the 6th grade class. Like this spider was given the opportunity to be placed into a safer environment. First let me tell you what happened when I finally get her safely back to the house and I know right where I need to release her so she can take care of herself. Where I go daily to pray. A Pond that my best friend thru life and I put in together after his surgery last year. (*yes I was rambling away then too …the whole time probably. Laughing) So I thought it may be a good idea to look up this particular spider before I let her out of the container I safely had her in for the moment. I have her and a piece of her original web.
Oh yes, she is a Be Extra Careful one, for sure. And there is only one thing I am sure of…. I am a klutz as in I never know when that will hit or how long it will stay. (laughing today since it is now 10/21/13 and I just spent the last 4 days saying,’ Weebles warble and this ONE does fall down!” and laughing while I say it too. Today I can, because I choose to laugh not cry.)
As I try to be mindful of all these tiny details really but can end in huge disasters if I don’t pause to think them thru…or at least a bit more forward than just ‘this moment’, that I will have to clean up, somehow; if I do not at least think it forward to some extent. One of the main things instilled in me by my native family of many nations, “Always leave things Better than you found them” no matter if the ‘thing’ is a place, a situation, or even a person…it still applies. This is one of the many positive pieces of the puzzle I found and tucked away in a pouch for later understanding (usually meant I found a broader understanding than was more inclusive rather than exclusive and usually also meant I was choosing to become part of the solution to some of these things prattling around the attic of my mind. Which always meant, I needed to be willing to be the One to change…whatever that meant) I started thinking things like, Be the Change, doing things like self talk, writing in lipstick on my bathroom mirror, I Love YOU…. to myself. All of the tiny details also bring up other stories for other times…..like a spiders web…they are all connected…
But also like the web it may take a while and make no sense while it is being built…but look how beautiful it is once it is finished. A true work of Art in Nature! Just sayin’ What I do best, what my real job is if you were to ask me….
To Pray and help others hold fast to their hope. Even be willing to bring the hope with me if I Need to. Even if it means revealing things of my personal life I am not comfortable with revealing to anyone, let alone when it is a stranger and I ‘feel’ that tugging, I know means I should talk to this person…. Even when it is going to take me so very far out of my personal comfort zone.
Ironically, many that have crossed my path have told me they thought of me as a social butterfly, privately with some I have revealed things that have let them know how difficult it really is for me to do the social thing. BUT I NEVER GIVE UP. Every little thing I do in my day is done with a purpose and if someone were to bother to ask, I may bother to explain why it may be so important, or at least to me it is. Truth, Love, Pray, Leave them with Hope, in that order I say. Why? I can deal with the TRUTH if I feel Loved and Have someone to Pray with and NO ONE STEALS ALL MY HOPE during that process. With those things…what I know from another rainbow experience (another story another day) that occurred on August 11, 2001; that all monstrosities CAN BE HEALED. There is the formula.
So here I am before the pond that we put in together, holding this plastic food container with slice holes in the top of the lid. I am re-homing this spider and why should anyone even care? Why would I even bother? Well there are some that if you put them in a group will all agree aloud at ‘what a nut’ I am. Heck, I may even be. (laughing) But that is not the point is it? The point is choosing perspective. I been called nuts for far more and far less and by far better and far worse…what I know is this: it all hurts the same. Here is a concept for today. Instead of pointing a finger, let us all go and stretch our comfort zone a bit and just go ask. We all may learn something. My experience has been that it usually is from unexpected sources, to boot!
So I decide my best course of action in this moment in front of my pond where I pray…. may be to pray first. Reminding myself that I don’t panic near the pond because of all the bees and yellow jackets etc. (when you are allergic, it’s all the same) and this is when letting a cigarette burn while I say prayers to the directions lulls the bees…maybe if I pray and smoke and talk to the spider I can lull her and comfort her since I just disrupted her from her home. (Which would not have been safe for her or the neighborhood children in very short time. Though my intentions are of the highest good, I also feel responsible to explain to this spider why I chose to do this and that I Hope she likes her new Home which is one of my own favorite spots here at home. That I would feel honored if she stayed since I would see it as a sign she would help me with her medicine do whatever was fixin’ that would be put before me. Considering I had been praying specifically if I should finally write ….. If so, then make it real, real clear to Me, what this book; that in all this time I only knew the name of; was to be about. Well, keep in mind she is just as afraid as I am and she really is disoriented…with some human blowing smoke at her and chattering away about something or other…. She jumped off the lid…. I fished her out before one of my gold fish (another story, another day) tries to eat her for a snack. Fished her out just in time, I did!
For her to jump right back in!!!
Dang it! So I fish her out one final time and fast as a pokey Grammy klutz can move, I place the lid down on one of the many Grandfathers (rocks, grandfather is a term of respect of the life of knowledge. Knowledge is a living thing and all stones contain within them the knowledge of every single thing that ever occurred on Mother Earth, term of respectful endearment in truth) around our pond here. I had this little ‘glimpse’ and thought I heard a plop and ran (laughing if only you could have seen that) into the house to ask my brother if my cell phone was there or not. Thank goodness it was. So I without thinking, drop it into my pocket of my sweater. And go back to the pond to see if I can find where Iktomea is at…. I left her on a lid on top a rock out there. When I hobble back out to the back yard this is where I find her:
I was feeling very blessed; another native, whom has the understandings of the animals and their medicines’ would be just as excited! If you are one you will really appreciate this next picture so everyone has a scope of Iktomea and the pond and what exactly she is upon in the above picture: look below for a broader scope…. Which if you look for the shovel handle on the left of the picture to the right of it you will see where Iktomea set up her new Home. This gave me such HOPE. When I saw that she had set up house in the West no less, I took the following picture and I named her “The Editor”, my editor.
My reminder of the fact I am just a grain of sand on a really really big beach…let me rub the grains next to me in such a way that we are all united in this big beach and we choose to be happy; choose to risk it all, but only for love; are the single voice ‘willing to get one more label’ or one more ‘she’s a nut’ publicly while sneaking over to privately get help from the same ‘nut’. Yeah, and they call me a nut…laughing because today I can. But not all days can I , just most. I started incorporating this new inhabitant of our yard and pond area into my daily routines. In the last month, I have watched her move from west to putting up a back door to protect herself from birds (a lot of them around) to building a web on the north wall. To building one since day 11 of our government shutdown …and I got online and asked everyone to pray for solutions for our shutdown with me…that I did not care what faith you personally choose. My understanding knows that it truly only matters if we are Willing to Come Together on this One thing and PRAY for the same prayer for the good of the many or the good of the all. Since we are all connected, as is the silk in Iktomea’ web; and even when the winds come and knock out sections…SHE never gives up…she gets right back out there and just does her best to fix it with whatever the Creator has provided her with in this moment. Just finds the solution and follows thru with her part of the footwork…her part of the action.
So Now you have met MY Editor….let her and I take you on a journey of perspectives…a journey of learning how to think, choose, attract, Weave INTO BEING a better World to live in this day. Be that Change, Be that Love, Be that Hope for someone else today, Choose to live at a higher vibration….my walk has been one of faith…
It is one thing to have faith….IT is another thing to weave it…to blindly step out in it daily. From my Giveback story to this Giveback to all on Thanksgiving…something profound happened. Well heck, MANY MIRACLES HAPPENED…but so did the winds…some brought miracles in the Human forms of lost causes…But heck I AM A HARD HEADED WOMAN and I just NEVER give up…not really sure if that is a star thing, an Irish thing, a Cherokee thing and Italian/Polish growing up thing or just a broader perspective from always being ‘different’, no matter what world I walked in……….my gifts showed before I knew what they even were or how to appropriately use them…but like this spider I have faithfully watched 2 months now…she has her cupboards stocked up and is hunkered down….maybe it is time to tell the stories…….